When it comes to feeding in public, I don’t see my breasts as a sexual thing. They’re just another part of my body. But what can you say if you are ever challenged? I think I’ve come up with an idea…Breastfeeding in public can be quite daunting, especially for a first time Mum. I remember when I first began feeding my eldest daughter: Sophie. I would have all the feeding paraphernalia with me: the breast pads, the nipple cream, the nipple shields, the breastfeeding shawl and the hundreds of muslins! Oh you can NEVER have enough muslins!
At the beginning, I would use all of these things. In fact, the shawl was my best friend, until Sophie got a bit bigger and would tug and pull on it; it soon became redundant. Trust me when I say that people will notice you more when you have a baby/toddler thrashing about under the cover, randomly flashing your boobs every 30 seconds, and screaming about being in a tent, than if you just discreetly pull your top up to feed.
It is illegal to discriminate against anyone for how they feed their child in public in England and Wales, and it is illegal for anyone to ask a breastfeeding woman to leave a public place, such as a cafe, shop or public transport. Scottish law makes it an offence to deliberately prevent or stop a person from feeding milk to a child in their charge in a public place or licensed premises.
I’ve only ever been challenged once about breastfeeding. It was very much in the early days of my journey, with my first, and I was in a cafe feeding my daughter in a quiet corner. I had met up with some friends and they had to dash off but I stayed to finish feeding. A middle aged couple were looking at me. At first, it was just a few looks, then shakes of the head, and then the tutting, which got louder. I was becoming more aware that this was being directed in my direction. I felt uncomfortable, and luckily Sophie had fallen asleep feeding, so I popped her in her buggy. As I got up to leave and walked past their table, they said to me, “Did you have to do that here?”
I kept walking.
I cried for most of that afternoon. Replaying the situation in my mind and what I could have said or done differently. The couple were older than me and regardless of their rudeness, I’ve always been taught to respect my elders. Should I have said something? Argued? Spoken to the manager? Defended my right to feed in public? What effect would any one of those confrontations have had on my mood and the mood of my baby?
That was 2014, and since then I’ve never been challenged and I’ve grown in confidence as a Mother.
I’ve often wondered what I could’ve said, in order not to offend (and therefore be equally rude back), but to make my point and defend my right to feed in public. This brings me back to my original comment: I do not see my breasts as a sexual object but as a means to feed my baby, so what I (and anyone else who is ever challenged) should say to someone who has a problem with feeding in public is very simple…
I’ve come up with a little phrase of my own:
“Arms to hold, Lips to kiss, and breasts to feed.”
This phrase isn’t rude, it isn’t argumentative, it isn’t false.
It’s simple, it’s factual, it’s logical.
Likening the breasts to other parts of the body and reminding us, (and the recipient of this saying) about the actual function of each of these parts of the body and distancing the word “breast” with any connotation of sexualisation.
Imagine if everyone who was challenged already had this phrase in mind, so that they didn’t stand there dumbfounded as I did, worried about being challenged and the uncomfortable confrontation that could follow. This could empower women, promote feeding in public, and most of all: help normalise breastfeeding.
So pass the phrase around, share, be confident and remember:
“Arms to hold, lips to kiss, and breasts to feed.”
Until next time…
Much love,
Janine xx
The Pegglet Mama
Ps…here’s a pic of me feeding in a VERY public place, in front of thousands of people. I was in a Grandstand at The British Grand Prix at Silverstone a couple of weeks ago. You can just see my Hubby to the right of me. The guy next to me on my left was an absolute gent and didn’t mind me feeding at all!
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